What did we do last night that was yellow?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
