Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
