its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
