Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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