she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize