ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
