Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
