I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
