Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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