dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
