Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
