my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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