Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
