ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He has the fingertips of a God
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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