god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
