I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
