Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
