Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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