he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
