So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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