Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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