the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
