TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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