After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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