I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
