My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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