dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
