Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize