3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
