Michael Bay diarrhea
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
