It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Randomize
