You're completely useless in the revolution.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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