Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
