He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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