Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
