I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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