I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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