If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
