so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
