I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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