You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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