Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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