Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize