I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
