I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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