I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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