I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
