You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
