you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Alive.
So much puke
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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