I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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