Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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