Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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