and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
