we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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