im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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