There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
