Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
