I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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