this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
