Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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