There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
