ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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